Apr-28-2007 - Questions here were Answered by Shaykh Tariq Ali Habib

[Ummzubair123]

Duplicate post

[umabdullah]

Assalamualaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatu Is It Permissible For A Husband To Tell His Wifes Mother Call Her Back For No Reason When She Calls And To Say I Cant Talk To Her? She Is A Disbeliever But Im Trying To Give Her Dawah And She Never Trys To Hender Me From The Path Of Allah. He Only Did This Because He Is Made At Me And Know I Dont Care About Talking To Friends. So He Saying I Cant Talk To Her She Is Older Mind You 70 . Barakallhu-feekum

[sadaf_uk]

I have read various articles, fatawas and heard and listened to many Islamic lectures regarding women/wife rights which have raised few questions in my mind which I have submitted to many websites but haven’t received answer to my questions. Islam orders men to give women rights and treat them kindly but I cannot understand the way the emotional nature of woman used to justify her rights, duties and freedom and the punishment when she goes astray.<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p>

Islam doesn’t give a women right to divorce because they may make an emotional decision. Women testimony is not accepted (in most cases) as they may give incorrect testimony out of emotions. Women cannot marry without the consent of her wali as she may make incorrect choice out of emotions. She cannot be given any position of authority as she may make an emotional decision.<o:p></o:p>


But if woman refuses to have intercourse with her husband (and her husband is angry) out of emotions she is cursed by angels all night. Sometimes due to certain emotional circumstances she may not be able to respond but at the same time man is not under the same compulsion to respond to his wife’s request. Out of these emotions if she does something which makes her husband displeased with her then her prayers will not be accepted while he is angry with her. As humans we all can make mistakes which can sometimes hurt others. I haven’t read any Hadees regarding the punishment for a husband who has unfairly treated his wife. If the husband for no reason stops his wife to go and see her parents or relatives she has to leave her emotions aside and obey him even if they are very sick or if that means breaking the ties kinship. Man shouldn’t do this but if he is that unfair to his wife his wife still hasn’t got any other option then to obey him doesn't matter how torturous that obedience is for her. Isn’t it inhuman to stop someone meeting their parents? This means rights of unkind husband take priority over woman to be treated humanely.<o:p></o:p>

I understand that there are only two rights of wife which are protected one is practicing Islam and second is Khula. She can exercise it without husband’s consent. All other rights are at the mercy of her husband. Sexual satisfaction in marriage is the right of both man and woman but even if a man deliberately doesn’t satisfy his wife she still hasn’t got the right to refuse when he demands that from her. Woman has the right to be treated kindly but if a man is unkind and neglect her rights she still cannot disobey him unless he asks for something she possibly cannot do or ask her to do something sinful. It’s her right to be able to meet her family but if a husband stops her from going to them she cannot do that. Only when she cannot bear it anymore she can ask for divorce. On the other hand husband has got means to ensure that he gets his rights like if he finds his wife negligent he can punish her, stay away from her bed, stop paying for maintenance etc. Islam is a religion of Fitra and isn’t it natural for a human being to retaliate when they are wronged and even in Quran there is a verse which says something like that if someone harm a person he can take the revenge then why wife is not allowed to withhold husband’s right when she is not getting hers.<o:p></o:p>

It is recommended in Islam for men to marry virgin women. "Marry virgins for they have sweeter mouths, more productive wombs and are more pleased with less”.But for women it is recommended not to refuse a man because of their age and marital status (if he is already married). Wife even has got no right object if her husbands want to have more wives. Why man’s enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure have been given more preference to the woman’s? Girls also like to marry young of their age. <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Reading</st1:place></st1:City> Islamic history it seems that it was quite common marrying young girls with men much older than them.<o:p></o:p>

Women cannot leave the house without permission of her husband unless there absolute necessity but if the husband wants to take another wife he doesn’t have to tell his first wife. It is regarded as good manners if he takes her into confidence but he doesn’t have to. It’s not permissible for her to let her parents and family in the house if a husband doesn’t want them in the house. On the other hand she cannot stop anyone from her husband’s family coming to the house. She even has to cook and serve them if he orders her to do that whether she likes them or not. If he orders her to wear something which she doesn’t like she is obliged to obey him as long as that doesn’t go against Islam but husband is not obliged to listen to her in that matter. <o:p></o:p>

If a woman asks for divorce for no reason she will have severe punishment though it is disliked but there is no punishment for a man if he divorces his wife for no reason. Isn’t the harm caused by woman asking for divorce without a reason the same as man divorcing a woman without any reason? I have read that Al-Hassan Ibn 'Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) married about seventy women and I have also read a Hadess where at the time of Hijrah one of Ansar offered to divorce two of his wives so that one of the Mahagirs can marry them. It seems that wife is just a commodity and husband can dispose her as and when he feels like it. I have read and listened so many times lectures from Islamic scholars criticizing west that they treat women just to seek pleasure and when they are done they dispose them and Islam honours them and preserve their dignity. How do you explain so many marriages of Al-Hassan Ibn 'Ali (May Allah be pleased with him)? What about the honour, dignity and feelings of women in these cases? Divorce normally is physiologically very painful for women and some women even fall into depression after that. Having that many divorces or relationships is something which is even looked down upon in the west. In Islam divorce by a man without any Shariah reason is discouraged and disliked but it is NOT a sin or considered immoral if it were then Al-Hassan Ibn 'Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) would never have done that. He is not just anyone he is leader of youth in paradise and role model for every young Muslim to follow. But if a woman does the same thing smell of paradise will be forbidden from her. In the west women get the same rights for divorce as the men have and also they get financially much more in the divorce settlement and while they are married they have much more freedom where in Islam they only get mehar if they haven’t already received it. Islam puts lot of emphasis on Ghaira. Is Ghaira of Muslims only confined to making sure that women don’t leave the house and no non-mehram see them or speak to them? One thing I cannot understand that in Islam even unnecessary cutting a tree is considered a sin but there is no punishment for a man who emotionally breaks a woman by divorcing her without a reason it is not even considered a sin and is just DISLIKED. Divorce was painful at that time too. At the time when Hazarat Ali (May Allah be pleased with him) wanted to marry Abu Jahal’s daughter Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) openly denounced that in public as it would have meant he had to divorce Hazarat Fatima (May Allah be pleased with her) and it would hurt her.<o:p></o:p>

Is marriage for a woman kind of slavery if she cannot bear it she can ask for divorce otherwise no matter how verbally or physically abusive, oppressive or unkind the husband is she has to accept it and give him all his rights and try to please him to the best of her ability? After reading writings of some scholars it seems that whole purpose of married woman life after worshipping Allah is to obey her husband and serve him and his family. So she is just a glorified domestic servant.<o:p></o:p>

“Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays Shimmas He beat her and broke some of her part. So she came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) after morning, and complained to him against her husband. The Prophet (peace be upon him) called on Thabit ibn Qays and said (to him): Take a part of her property and separate yourself from her. He asked: Is that right, Apostle of Allah? He said: Yes. He said: I have given her two gardens of mine as a dower, and they are already in her possession. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: Take them and separate yourself from her.”

<o:p></o:p>

"Woman complained to Prophet (peace be upon him) that her husband slapped her on the face, (which was still marked by the slap). At first the Prophet (peace be upon him) said to her: "Get even with him", but then added: "Wait until I think about it". Later on, Allah revealed 4:34, after which the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "We wanted one thing but Allah wanted another, and what Allah wanted is best"<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

In Islam is there any Shariah punishment for domestic violence other than the women just getting divorce (Khula) from the man. Was anyone punished at the time of or Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) or the four rightly guided caliphs for domestic violence? Though in the west there are cases of domestic violence but if a woman goes and complains to authorities they act very swiftly and aggressively against the culprit.

<o:p></o:p>

“Many women have gone round Muhammad`s (peace be upon him) family complaining against their husbands. They are not the best among you” .<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

A woman came to Hazarat Aisha complaining about her husband (Abdur-Rahman) and showed her the green spot when Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) came Hazarat Aisha said "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women”.


The words “many women” and “I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women” seems that it was common amongst the companions of Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) to beat their wives and I have also heard that husband of Hazarat Asma was sometimes very harsh with her though he was amongst Ashra Mubashra.<o:p></o:p>

<o:p></o:p>

Though Islam teaches Muslims to treat women kindly but there are good and bad people in every society but it seems Islam offers very less protection for women against bad men. There is no accountability for men who mistreat their wives and they can get away with anything where women answerable for everything. This creates an environment where abuse of women rights becomes very easy and common. Western societies with all their other failings have given freedom to women to fight for their rights both at social and legal level and don’t demand women to accept men’s/husbands total control of their lives. Though media is blamed but I strongly believe the lack of protection of women rights in Islamic societies has played major part women adopting western lifestyle both in Muslim countries and in the west.




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Questions derived from the text above

Isn’t it inhuman to stop someone meeting their parents?

Why man’s enjoyment, satisfaction and pleasure have been given more preference to the woman’s?

Is Ghaira of Muslims only confined to making sure that women don’t leave the house and no non-mehram see them or speak to them?

Is marriage for a woman kind of slavery if she cannot bear it she can ask for divorce otherwise no matter how verbally or physically abusive, oppressive or unkind the husband is she has to accept it and give him all his rights and try to please him to the best of her ability?

In Islam is there any Shariah punishment for domestic violence other than the women just getting divorce (Khula) from the man.

Was anyone punished at the time of our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) or the four rightly guided caliphs for domestic violence?<!-- / message --><!-- edit note -->
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Last edited by Samaa : March 20th, 2007 at 11:52. Reason: summarization of question

[UmmLaylaa]

As salamu alaikum

Im from Philadelphia....

Can a sister seek Kulah on the grounds that she knows her husband is just staying with her because of the children? He's said this to her on more than one occasion and he also acts towards her as if he wants nothing to do with her. The only time they get along is if He needs something from her. But the majority of the time its argumentation or nothing at all. He constantly gets married to other sisters instead of trying to make their relationship better. The wife is now depressed and tired so can she seek separation?

[sadaf_uk]

Assalaam Alaikum,

Would these lectures be rcorded and uploaded to the site so that we can download the lectures if we were unable to listen to them

[sisterforallaah]

My husband currently has 2 wives me and another sister. He would like another wife but seeks wives thru matrimonial sites and speaks with sisters on the phone and ask them to send him pictures of them. This upsets me a great deal and makes me not want to be married to him because from anger I end up saying things in a harsh manner to him which I know earns Allah's anger (astaghfirullah). He is a good husband and kind to me but I feel that he is flirting with several women and should not ask sisters for (revealing) pictures of them and not have private conversations with women on his phone. He says this is the lesser of evils and the best way for him to get married again. I'm trying to move forward in this marriage with him but I don't know what to do or how else to advise him. I've told him to go to the masjid and seek marriage but he said this is the best way for him because the masjids make it difficult for brothers to get married. Any help would be appreciated.

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My husband (who has two wives already) seeks wives thru matrimonial sites and speaks with sisters on the phone and ask them to send him pictures of them. This behavior angers me, I act accordingly as a result I want to divorce to avoid the anger of Allah (that I may have incurred due to my reactions). Please advise me on what to do and how to advise him.

[Unregistered]

As Salamu Alaikum

When trying to better one's self as well as family, how could this be possible when the wife is making efforts but husband is not. Like Allah blesses those that are obedient so how will my family be blessed when my husband is disobedient.

Like, he doesn't make an effort to go to Jumuah when possible or misses salats and doesn't make them up. This is heavy on the wife as she fears that this is why they(the family) doesn't receive blessings.

So, if they make hijra then it won't be a blessed hijra, she fears that it will be one full of stress and not to the best of places. In other words she feels doomed here in this life and then so to it will be in the next due to her not being very strong in this. She is tired-she is working overtime, in her efforts to compensate and still she is also lacking as well.

I pray you understand the question mainly can a wife if she is truly righteous make her family truly righteous if the husband isn't. The kids especially the boys see that he doesn't go to the masjid and so they don't want to go or he listens to music, watches tv and so they want to as well, etc. etc.
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As salaamu alaikum

How can a wife who is righteous make her family righteous while the husband is not? The husband does not go to the masjid,he misses some salat and does not make them up, listens to music, watches tv and the children want to follow him in these things. This is heavy on the wife as she fears that this is why they(the family) doesn't receive blessings.

[Ummzubair123]

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah.

I am asking for your advice regarding my marriage. i am a convert married to an emotionally and financially abusive brother. Things recntly came to a head, and he is now asking for a 3rd chance, having repented to Allah. Whilst he shows signs of correcting the financial side of things, he doesnt appear to appreciate the emotionally abusive nature of his actions. He says he will change, but at the same time does not appear to comprehend what needs to change, or ow his behaviour was wrong in the first place. i am also aware that if things reverted to the way that they where, it is a very inappropriate example for our (2) children to grow up with.
I t has been suggested that things could be written down in the form of a contract, which certainly would regulate the financial issues, but i am concerned about the emotional side, particulalry as he seems to deny or minimise emotional things when confronted with them, making out that i am overly sensitive, or denying that they happened, or says he has no recollection, (which he attributes entirely to evil eye) and refusing to take reponsibility for his actions or the consequent psychological harm on myself.

Your comments, guidance to myself and my husband, and duas would be very much appreciated.
May Allah reward you and increase you in goodnes in this life and the hereafter.
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I ask, what is your advice to a convert who is married to an emotionally and financially abusive brother, who has no insight into his actions. He is saying he wants another (3rd) chance. I have no muslim family of my own. He says he has repented to Allah and wants to change, but doesnt seem to see how his behaviour was problematic to start with<!-- / message -->

[Unregistered]

Assalamu Alaikum

If a wife is doing something, and the husband calls her (not for intercourse, just in general), does she have to leave what she is doing every time he calls her, and does she have to go to sleep when he tells her to.

Does she have to do everything according to his wishes, or can she explain to him she is busy and will help him later, or go to sleep later, etc.

Is it ok for a wife to refuse her husband from kissing her if he is always kissing her.

Barak'Allahu Feek

[Unregistered]

Assalamu Alaikum

If a wife is doing something, and the husband calls her (not for intercourse, just in general), does she have to leave what she is doing every time he calls her, and does she have to go to sleep when he tells her to.

Does she have to do everything according to his wishes, or can she explain to him she is busy and will help him later, or go to sleep later, etc.

Is it ok for a wife to refuse her husband from kissing her if he is always kissing her.

Barak'Allahu Feek

Assalamu Alaikum-the above post is by an OIC student..but the student doesn't want to disclose identity so chose an unregistered identity-due to the personal nature of queries

[Unregistered]

Asslaamu Alaykum

this question is from a sister

re marital intimacy

what is the position of a sister who has a high level of desire and her husband seems to be tired a lot, so does not give her relations much and when he does its more oral for him & not much intercourse [for her] for qiute some time now.

Shaytaan comes to her & suggests other men [and one in particular (pls Do NOT say this bit in the translation - just in Arabic to the Shaykh so he understands)] she tries to go back to her husband to find some solice with him
- but he is still tired and puts off having 'relations' with her.

she says her dua's and reads Quraan but these thoughts come to her [often]

What can she do
to prevent herself falling into the haram?
she is really fearful for her Deen

[msemmen]

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

How does one handle her husband's criticism of her cooking without finding faults with her husband in return.

Jazakum'Allahu Khairan

[aneesa824]

assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh. is it permissible for a sister, in encouraging other sisters to accept and embrace polygyny, to share with them examples from her own life that show how being in polygyny is beneficial in order that insha'Allah their hearts will be softened to it? so, in addition to her sharing with them the proof and wisdom behind polygyny as laid out in the Qur'aan and Sunnah, she also shares with them how polygyny has benefitted her personally, using examples from her own marriage and life. this is with the consent of her husband and without exposing any details of marital intimacy and the like.

[Unregistered]

assalaamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

How can a woman please her husband, so he doesn't look anywhere else.

Barak'Allahu Feekum

[msemmen]

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu

Is it unIslamic for a wife or a husband to avoid interactions with non-mahram so much as to not not even return their Islamic greeting of Salam, when fearing fitnah.


Kindly advice

Jazakum'Allahu Khairan

[Unregistered]

As-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh

What advice can you give to a woman who's husband listens to music, smokes cigarettes, dresses like the kufar hardly ever makes his prayers in the masjid and if he's at home he oversleeps the prayers with no valid excuse, he's always in a bad mood, doesn't spend any time with her. He also tells her that he is not attracted to her, yet he calls her to the bed. She feels very unhappy & unappreciated. How can you advise in this situation?


JazaakAllaahu khairun

[Unregistered]

Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullah

Please advise me, my husband eats and drinks in the bathroom and has bad eating habits, the children follow behind him, they drink from the istinja bottle sitting on the toilet. Should I leave them and hope that they will stop as they get older they're are 6&8 years old. Also it's very hard to get them to practice the sunnah in many ways especially while eating, they ask for forks and spoons and they do not like to sit on the floor while eating they also follow my husband in this behavior, how can I advise my husband that he is a mirror for the children?

[ommJannah]

Assalaamualaykum warahmatulahi wabarakatu, May Allaah ta ala give all who participate in this forum from the lecturer to the listener, KHAYR(good) from the information disseminated, ameen.

I have questions regarding polygyny:

1. Why is it brothers who practice polygyny think that their wives have to have some type of comradery amongst each other in order for polygyny to WORK FOR HIM? How can other men of experience explain to these brothers that this is not a realistic concept amongst most women?! (And that JEALOUSY is an important factor when it comes right down to it; because at the end of the day we all are NAF driven intentionally or unintentionally.)
And our most esteemed predessor our mother A'aisha(RAA) was very jealous!!!

2.How can a sister maintain her rights in polygyny as a woman and not feel as if she has to degrade, belittle, minimize, lower her standard(in any way) and invalidate her existence in order to remain married for fear if SHE DOESN'T SUBSCRIBE TO ANY OF THESE in some way shape or form she will be without a husband?

These questions do not come from anger or ill intentioned motive or a brazen attitude. They come from a decade of experience in all of these areas. And just for the sake of knowing other women have experienced the same. Most would not find it favorable to delve in this area but our UMMAH is suffering dreadfully because we are a people of NO experience. I have read the post of the overwhelming talaqs in the states. La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah, Allah al-mustaan, ameen.

Book knowledge can not be our only resourse. Most of us have no templates or role models to follow, besides our sahabah. Not everyone is able to learn from a book. Our sahabah learned from live experiences our Noble Prophet alaihi issalaam and verbal repitition handed down verbatim. We all are in need of help, ameen.

Shukran for the opportunity to voice my concern.

ommJannah
BarakAllaahufeekum.

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Assalaamualaykum warahmatulahi wabarakatu, May Allaah ta ala give all who participate in this forum from the lecturer to the listener, KHAYR(good) from the information disseminated, ameen.

1. Why do brothers who practice polygamy feel their wives must have comradery on order for it to work for HIM? How can it be explained to men who have this opinion that this is not a realistic concept amongst women?

2.How can a sister maintain her rights in polygyny without degrading herself or lowering her standards in order to remain married?

Shukran for the opportunity to voice my concern.

ommJannah
BarakAllaahufeekum

[Umm Khadijah Ali]

As salaam alaikum.

Please advise, A Married brother found a second sister he wanted to marry and they started a unlawful relationship such as, phoning each other and sending text messages etc, without his present wife or her Wakils knowledge. The present wife found out and this caused much fitnah in the marriage. The second sister left the deen before the marriage ever took place. The brother though having made taubah still cares for the sister and has not been able to let go of feeling he has for the sister, the sister still has the brothers contact information and has the ability to contact him if she decides to reconnect with brother, which will again cause much fitnah in the home of the brother. What is your advice for the husband and present wife in regards to what has taken place? If the sister contacts the brother again what is his responsiblity?

[Unregistered]

As salaamu alaikum

May Allaah preserve you, ameen.

In matters of the finances in the home, what is the preferable method that shoud be in place?

Should the men, since he is in a position of authority in the home just handle all aspects, or it allowed that he say to his wife, here is a portion of money for you to do what is needed in regards to the home and food etc.?

[sthaeem]

Assalam U ALaikum,

My wife is from a family who don't do hijab[not even cover head, neck and some other part of body].

I have been telling her, showed her the ayah from Quran for covering from Surah Al-Noor. She has started practicing it. But sometimes she wear some clothes that doesn't cover her body even. I have been telling her in the best of my ability. But often this end up in arguments and fights almost 3-4 times a week. In fights she even say I wish this marriage is finished?
What should I do? Should I stop telling her for a while to avoid fights. Would I be sinful? If yes, whats the best way to deal with this situation?
Secondly, I get very angry and feel bad to see my wife not covered properly, sometimes I express my anger in words and sometimes don't to avoid fight. What is you suggestion?

Wasalam,

[neguib]

Assalam U ALaikum,

My wife is from a family who don't do hijab[not even cover head, neck and some other part of body].

I have been telling her, showed her the ayah from Quran for covering from Surah Al-Noor. She has started practicing it. But sometimes she wear some clothes that doesn't cover her body even. I have been telling her in the best of my ability. But often this end up in arguments and fights almost 3-4 times a week. In fights she even say I wish this marriage is finished?
What should I do? Should I stop telling her for a while to avoid fights. Would I be sinful? If yes, whats the best way to deal with this situation?
Secondly, I get very angry and feel bad to see my wife not covered properly, sometimes I express my anger in words and sometimes don't to avoid fight. What is you suggestion?

Wasalam,

as salaamu alaikum
this is indeed a very difficult situation
some people make swalaat tahajjud for difficult problems
some try performing hajj which then carry us to respect basics of islaam
try this

[nisshoami]

Name of the Shaykh: Shaykh Tariq Ali Habib

Title of the Lecture: Family Matters - Evaluating Marriage

Date of the Lecture: April 28, 2007

Listen to the Lecture: Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/audiog.htm)

Read The Transcript: Not Available