Special Sessions: Family Matters- Evaluating Marriage-Marital Stress-Marital Intimacy

[admin]

Family Matters


Assalaamu `alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh


As requested by some of our dear members/visitors
we are pleased to announce a series of lectures
focusing on issues related to

"Family - Marital Relations - Evaluating Marriage - Marital Stress - Marital Intimacy" Etc.

Please spread the word, E-MAIL your friends, family members and your Husband/Wife.

You, your entire family, your friends, your neighbours ALL INVITED.


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Start Posting Your Questions In This Thread

Please Make Your Questions Concise and As Short As Possible, BarakAllaahu feekum

Questions Will Be Answered In Next Live Session, Please See Schedule (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/schedule.htm)

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We also encourage you to broadcast weekly lectures in YOUR Masjid using our Conference Calling system

Methods of Broadcasting:

You may listen to the lectures via following options:

Masaajid, Islamic Centers and Groups
We encourage you to broadcast weekly lectures in YOUR Masjid via Telephone Conference Calling system. Use telephone number listed below.


Individual Listeners
Live Broadcast from our website www.albaseerah.org/live.htm (http://www.albaseerah.org/live.htm)


Pal-Talk
Islam > Live Senior Scholars of Ahli Sunnah English Arabic.

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Telephone Number:

1-712-580-1100

Password = QSSNY (77769)
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Previous Sessions

Session #1 - "My Husband is SINGLE"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Dr. Tariq Ali Habib

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": April 28th, 2007

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Not Available

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة - Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2574)



Session #2 - "Dealing with MY other HALF"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Salaah Muhammed Aal Shaykh

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": June 16th 2007

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Not Available

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة- Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=2628)




Session #3 - "My Family - My Home - My Jannah"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Abdullaah Al-Ghudyaan

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": June 30th, 2005

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/ghudyaan.htm)

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة- Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Not Available




Session #4 - "Question & Answer Session"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Mohammad Al-Malki

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": February 9th, 2008

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/maaliki.htm)

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة- Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3602)




Session #5 - "Question & Answer Session"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Muhammed Bakheet Al-Hujayree

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": February 23rd, 2008

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/bakheet.htm)

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة- Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?p=16272#post16272)




Session #6 - "Question & Answer Session"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Misad Al-Husayni

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": March 16th, 2008

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/husayni.htm)

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة- Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3729)




Session #7 - "Question & Answer Session"

" اسم الشيخ - Name of the Shaykh": Shaykh Mohammad Al-Malki

" تاريخ المحاضرة - Date of the Lecture": June 28th, 2008

" استمع المحاضرة - Listen to the Lecture": Not Available

" اقرأ المحاضرة المفرغة- Read The Transcript": Not Available

" الأسئلة - أجيب عليها خلال هذه المحاضرة - List of Questions Which were answered during this session": Click Here (http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=4055)


<TABLE style="BORDER-COLLAPSE: collapse" borderColor=red height=15 cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=5 width=500 border=2><TBODY><TR><TD>
Start Posting Your Questions In This Thread

Please Make Your Questions Concise and As Short As Possible, BarakAllaahu feekum

Questions Will Be Answered In Next Live Session, Please See Schedule (http://www.albaseerah.org/audio/schedule.htm)

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[um juwayriah]

As salam walikum warahmatullah wabarakatu,

A husband and wife had been arguing very badly all day,the situation became so intense that the wife threatened to call the police and walked out of the house,the husband tried calling her back but she insisted that he divorce her before she enters the house as she was very emotional and angry, husband felt under pressure/forced and angry by her as he did not want to get arrested and divorced her but in his heart he did not want to do it.

When they both calm down they realised that they have both committed a mistake and took her back.

The question is , Is this divorce valid?

JazakAllah Khair

------------------translated by BH--------------------
زوجان تشاجرا وو صل الحال ان الزوجة خرجت من البيت و هددت الزوج بالاتصال في الشرطة و الزوج حاول ان يرجعها الى البيت ولكنها كانت غاضبة و منفعلة جدا و أبت ان تعود الى البيت الا اذا طلقها و الزوج شعر انه تحت ضغط كبير لانه لم يرد ان تتصل بالشرطة و تقبض عليه فطلقها و لكن في قلبه لا يريد ان يطلقها، وبعد ان هدئا ندموا على ما حصل، فالسؤال هل وقع الطلاق؟

---------------translated by BH-------------------

[nisshoami]

Assalaamu alaikum

When a woman request from her husband a khul', and it is granted, is she to be in iddah for 30 days? In order for the two to get back together do they have to have another nikah?

-------------------translated by BH------------------------

طلبت الخلع من زوجها و اعطاها ذلك فما هي العدة؟ واذا ارادا الرجوع هل يكون بعقد جديد؟

-------------------translated by BH------------------------

[s_sana]

Asalaamuwalaikum,

I pray Allah, subhanna watailallah, continue to bless you in your efforts in spreading the dawah:

I have a question regarding the separation of a man and wife. I previously learned from the scholars that if a man and woman divorse, and they decide to reconcile, they need to get married again (with a new dawlry). And If they dont remarry and decide to continue with their relationship, they are committing Zinnah. My question is, what about in a case where a divorse between them was never announced, but they only separated for SEVERAL months? Does this also apply? Do they also have to remarry? Are they committing Zinnah?
Barakallah feekum!

------------------translated by BH--------------------

زوجان تفرقا لعدة شهور بدون طلاق، فهل يلزم عقد زواج جديد اذا رجعا الى بعض؟

------------------translated by BH--------------------

------------------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR-----------------------------
what about in a case where a divorse between husband and wife was never announced, but they only separated for SEVERAL months? what should be done in this condition ? Do they have to remarry? Are they committing Zinnah ?

------------------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR-----------------------------

[salafeequeen]

Bismillaah Ar Rahman Ar Raheem..

As Salaamu Alaika wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuhu.

A questioner asks:

1. A sister wants to marry someone from a different race/ethnicity than hers, however her father is against it because he wants her to marry someone from their race/ethnic group. What should she do? He won't even meet the brother to see if he is righteous.

2. This may be a duplicate question:

A sister made a promise to Allaah to wear the niqab full-time,Masha-Allaah. Her husband and his family are against it. The husband has threaten to leave her and their child if she continues to wear the niqab. What should the sister do in this situation?

Jazak Allaahu Khaira.

---------------translated by BH--------------
اخت وعدت الله سبحانه و تعالى ان تلبس النقاب و لكن زوجها ضد ذلك و هدد بان يتركها و اولادها ان اصرت على ذلك فماذا تفعل؟

-------------translated by BH-----------------------

[nashihah]

As'Salamu Alaikum Wa Ramatullahi Wa Barakatuhu
May ALLAH Subhana WA Ta Ala preserved you Shaykh and Protect you always inshallah
My Question? As a non-married sister with a 4 year old son seeking first choice a husband with the qualities of hafiz of quran and true signs of obediance, if my attempt fails while still able to bear children by the permission of ALLAH subhana wa ta ala can i stay alone and raised my son is this ok with fasting for the pleasure of ALLAH subhana wa ta ala and also to restrain desires, is this permissible.
ummomar bint forde bklyn, ny.

-----------translated by BH-------------------

اخت غير متزوجة لديها ولد عمره اربع سنوات، تريد الزواج من مسلم حافظ القران و عنده صفات العبودية، فاذا لم ترزق بمثل هذا الزوج هل يجوز لها ان تبقى بدون زوج ترعى ولدها و تصبر على الشهوة لوجه لله؟

----------------translated by BH-------------

------------------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR------------------------------
ASSALAAAM ALAIKUM Skh

A non-married sister with a 4 year old son seeking first choice husband with the qualities of hafiz of quran and true signs of obediance. Can she stay alone and raised her son, if her attempt fails while still able to bear children by the permission of ALLAH (SWT)?? Is this permissible to restrain desires for the sake of ALLAH (SWT) ??

ASSALAAM ALAIKUM
------------------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR-------------------------------

[ummhasan]

Bismillah ar rahmaan ar raheem wa authubilaahi mina shaytan ar rajeem,

as salaam alaikum,

In regards to the obidence of the wife to the husband, if a wife disagrees with her husband on an issue or gets upset with his behavior towards and issue of the kids and she expresses this dislike or disagreement to him in a respectfull way and he then gets angry with her and degrades her calling her many names such as stupid, idiot, bad wife, etc and tells her she should appreciate his taking care of her and the kids and learn to shut her mouth even if he does somthing wrong.

If she tells him she will not shut her mouth when he is degrading her or calling her names and she has a right to express her feelings or opinions to him is this considered disobidence to the husband or not and what is said regarding a husband who uses his obligation to take care of his wife and family against her to make her feel that she is ungratful for him fufilling his obligation and degrades her any time she disagrees with him.

Jazak Allah Khair

---------translated by BH---------------

بالنسبة لطاعة الزوج. اذا حصل خلاف بيني و بين زوجي في بعض القضايا و أظهرت خلافي باحترام ولكنه ينفعل ويسيئ الادب معي بالفاظه ويقول اني انا الذي انفق على الاسرة جاعللا ذلك ذريعة ليفرض سيادته عليها، فهل للمراة حق ان تقول رايها و اذا خالفت زوجها في بعض القضايا هل تكون عاصية له و هل للزوج الحق بان يقول انا الذي انفق و ان وانا لفرض سيادته؟

----------translated by BH-------------------

------------------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR------------------------------
ASSALAAM ALAIKUM

If a wife disagrees with her husband on the issue of kids or of his behaviour and then expresses this dislike or disagreement to her husband in a respectful way. Then husband gets angry with her and degrades her by calling her with direpectful names such as stupid, idiot, bad wife, etc and tells her that she should appreciate his taking care of her and kids and learn to shut her mouth even if he does something wrong.
If wife doesn't shut her mouth when husband showing her disrespect and expressing her opinion & feelings to him, Is this considered as disobedience to husband, explain ?? what is said regarding a husband who uses his obligation to take care of his wife and family against her to make her feel that she is ungratful for him fufilling his obligation and degrades her any time she disagrees with him ??? Other than in disagreement, her husband is very nice and does in fact fulfill all of the wife's rights and is also taking care of 3 of her children from a previous marriage.


ASSALAAM ALAIKUM
-------------------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR--------------------------------

[Samaa]

as salaamu alaykum wa rahmatulahi wa barakatu
May Allah preserve you dear Shaaykh:
A questioner asks:

if a sister committed fornication and then she changed her life and refrain from that sin. is it ok for her to get marry to a chaste brother
and if she already marry to the brother what should she do?

Barakallahu feekum wa jazakallahu khairan

------------translated by BH--------------
هل يجوز للزانية ان تابت و اقعلت عن الذنب ان تتزوج من مسلم محصن (عفيف) ؟

------translated by BH------------

[s_sana]

Assalaam Alaikum Warahmatulahi Wabarakatu
Questioner asks:
asalamu alikum wa rahmathullahi barakathuhu
i am got married to a girl she who accepted islam last year and now we have a child .The marriage was made as the one who invited her to islam as her vali.We did so because no imaam here is ready for being vali due to police issues in my country.At that time i hadn't fixed the mahr .and till now i had not given it.Is it permissible for me to give the mahr now.ya sheik guide me to make my issue easy infront of allah.

-----------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR--------------------

Is it permissible to decide and give mahr after marriage as at the time of marriage I didn't decide the mahr?

-----------------------SUMMARISED BY MODERATOR--------------------

----------translated by BH---------------

قبل الزواج لم احدد المهر فهل يجوزاعطاء زوجتي
مهرها الان؟

-------------translated by BH---------------------

[Ukht fi Eman]

Example: A woman has her husband promise not to take a co-wife, even if he desires to and is capable of maintaining them in accordance to legislation.

[Umm Abdul Basir]

As Salaamu Alaikum, I have been searching for the proper answer pertaining to my ordeal. Yah! Sheik please give me the answer to this?

I have one child by my ex husband, the child is now 2 yrs old.. he does not give me any support nor does he visit the child. out of the 2 yrs of the childs life the father has only seen him 6 times.

he tells me that now that we are divorce, all ties are cut. also my child does not know him, nor the word Abi.
When I attempt to marry, I hear that the child goes to him, however, he is a stranger to the child. he abandoned me while I was pregnant without support, and even after the birth, no support. He was'nt there for the birth either.
Now my question is does he has a right to want the child the he cut ties from, and refuse to give any support? he cares for other children that are not his.
he is a stranger to the child, I have no address to his home nor do I know his wives.
Is there any justice in a abandoned child and the mother? my child does not do well with others. The father refuses to visit or support him,
pls, help me in this situation. He is hendering my life.

Jazakallah Khayrin

---------------translated by BH---------------

طلقني زوجي ولي منه ولد لا ينفق عليه و الولد لا يعرفه (غريب عنه) بلغت انني ان تزوجت يصبح الولد حق لابيه والولد لا يعرفه و تركه بدون نفقة فهل هل الولد حق له ان تزوجت؟

--------------translated by BH--------------

[Basheer]

A brother has been married to his maternal cousin for about two years, he left her and come to the UK after about a month of their marriage. The brother is now looking for halaal work, but he currently has a job which involves mixing with women and even touching them. The job sometimes reqiures him to lie to the customers, sometimes it involves delaying the salaah beyond its proper time. The brother is also not the paying tax that should be deducted from his wages, which his employer should really take care of. His wife expresses the hardship that she is going through, and is happy for him to even bribe, to bring her in the UK. The brother feels it would take a really long time before he gets a halaal job. He wants to divorce her because he feels that he will not be able to give his wife her rights.

Bear in mind this brother did not want to get married to this sister, he felt too shy to say no, instead he said he would inform them soon, with the intention that he would perform salaatul-Istikhaarah. He performed the salaah and did not feel any different in not marrying her. He supplicated to Allaah to show him a dream to make his decision because he doesnt know what to do, as his mother would be displeased if he come back to the UK after such a short visit without even getting married. Next morning the brother woke up having changed his mind towards the marriage because of the dream he saw. He saw himself on a stage, two of his old friends, originated from Yemen besides him, one on his right and one on his left, Waleed and Mu'een. He saw another Muslim named 'Aasim, who was walking towards him in laughter. At that time, he intepreted his dream as meaning simply that he should get married because he saw himself in the situation of getting married.

His ticket was confirmed to leave for the UK, but the morning he woke up from seeing this dream was his last chance to cancel his ticket. So the same day, his mothers maternal cousin had his ticket cancelled for him, took him away from his village, got him a haircut, and prepared him for this wedding. He would boast of the bride saying that she would never go to the market place, except with him. The man never discouraged this marriage, even if it meant money would have to be borrowed. He was even prepared to borrow the money. At one point, the mother did not want to go ahead with the marriage, but her cousin disliked that, and wished for the marriage to proceed no matter what the consequences would be.

So anyway, the night before the marriage, the brother was sufferring from nightmares, he saw himself dying, coming back to life, dying, coming back to life, over and over again. He was really sick the morning of his wedding, he woke up vomitting. His temperature was very high, he just wished he didnt have to go through with this. He wanted to attend the Friday prayer, but was prevented from that, although the masjid was only five minutes away. The wedding was performed in a community centre, which was about 30miles away from where he was living at that time.

The wedding involved mixing of women and men, the bride was displayed on a stage, a supplication was made collectively, and of course all of this was being photographed and filmed. The brother wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, he was uncomfortable with the clothes he was given to wear, very tight and not the clothes he would wear if he had a choice. He was also made to greet some people by touching their feet, which was suppose to be showing respect to them.

Within a week of their marriage the brother wanted to divorce her without having enjoyed intimacy. He did not know the ruling of divorce, but he wanted divorce. The brother wanted to come to the UK as soon as possible, his religious commitment was weakening being around many corrupt and ignorant people. His mothers maternal cousin had his passport and ticket, but would refuse to give them back. After being threatened he did give them back. His wife is currently living with his mother, two brothers aged 9 and 10, and his two year old sister. This brother has spent most of his time thinking about divorce in the UK, he has changed his mind many times, each time for a different reason. He doesnt want to commit injustice, or oppress anyone. Please advise him. Jazak-Allaahu khayraa.

[Akram an-Najdee]

salam alaikum, a sister asks this question.

I would like some advice on my situation and was hoping you would take your time out to reply inshallah.

Im in a situation with a brother whom im considering to marry. The brother was recommended by a friend, he is mashallah good in both his deen and his character. We are wanting to meet to be sure that we are suitable for each other, and we want to do this in a halaal way inshaAllah.

The people who approached my parents for my hand have either been berelvi or hanafi. I am not sure how my parents would react to a salafi brother, (as my parents are berelvis). I fear if the brother I am considering approaches to ask for my hand says no at the end (as in we are not right for each other) then allahu allam it would make it difficult for me in the future as my parents may not agree for me to marry or consider another salafi.

I would like to know whether there is a permissible way for me to meet him, without my family finding out, as in maybe to meet the brother with a member of his family, either his sister or mum? If that is possible then once we both have made a decision we can then inform our parents and take it from there.

I would really appreciate a reply as soon as possible inshaAllah, as the brother is waiting for a reply from Madeenah University, and if he does get in he will leave the UK inshaAllah.

We both are aware this needs to be done with a mahram from my side but with our situation in mind I need help from someone who is more knowlegeable to give us advice on whether it would be permissable for us to meet first with a member of his family before I go ahead and tell my parents

[Abu Nafi]

As-salaamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu, May Allah bless you Shaykana:

I ask your advice on a matter of importance. I am married to a sister we have been married now for 6 years. We have 3 children together, and she had one when we came into the marriage. I have 3 older children from previous marriages. Alhamdulillah, I came to the dawah several years ago. My Niyyah since 2004 has been to get a degree in teaching English then moving over seas to teach in a stable muslim country. I am also considering moving to damaaj to learn my deen properly since when I came into the deen I came in through one of the deviant groups (Warith Deen Muhammad's group). Alhamdulillah, I have completed my Associates and will finish my Bachelor's degree this December, and I am in a scholarship program which will pay for me to get a PhD. However, my plan is only to get the masters and flee to a muslim country, insha Allah. I really want to learn my deen correctly and to have my children become hafidth of quran and learn the sunnah and the manhaj of the salafis salih, insha Allah.
The problem is with my wife when I embarked on this path to acquire my English degree, and the only reason I did this was so I would be able to earn income while studying the deen to support my children who will continue to live in the US. With one of them I am under the court appointed obligation to pay child support. I sat my wife down and explained that this would be a difficult time since I would have to work full time and go to school full time. I am fourty years old and do not want to spend much more time here. Anyhow, she said that she understood. At first she was supportive however, sometimes she seems to forget. There have been times when I was coming directly from school and going directly to work within a 45 minutes and she would she would not cook so that I could eat, and things like this, which would annoy me. But masha Allah I would try tom overlook them. Also, we have had some serious arguments and this is the real problem, in some of these arguments I may become upset. So in order that I do not speak harshly to her I would say I was going out of the house to cool off, or to my parents house. On several occasions my wife has physically confronted me, either preventing me from leaving, or getting up right in my face. She does this in front of our children. On several occasions I have had to call the police to come get me out of the house. Most recently I had planned for us to take a trip to Umrah and Dammaj, Yemen so that we could see it for ourselves and she could feel comfortable about going there. She does day care and makes approximately $1,000-1,400 dollars per month. We have argued about her helping with bills in the past, so I have taken the stance of paying all the bills by myself and not allowing her to help. However, she told me on several occasions over the last few months she was saving lots of money. When I asked her to pay for the cost of her ticket we got into another argument, and again I had to call the police. Her brother witnessed this, I had to have the police come over and go with me into my own house and get my clothes to go over my parents house since I had left my keys inside. Today before work I planned on cooking a meal for my family, she called and asked to go with her sister somewhere which I allowed. She left the home without washing any dishes and made it very difficult for me, but I tried to overlook this. After dinner I was about to lay down for work, we live in a dangerous area. She was on the front porch with her sister, I saw my children who are 7,5, and 3 in the back yard going towards another street. So I came down and asked her where they were and she did not know. So I told her she needed to pay more attention to them. Normally she is pretty good with this. She began to argue with me about this, so I told her possible she needed to stop hanging around her sister so much. Mind you this sister is a muslimah who has had several children out of wedlock, she does not cover properly, puts herself on display, and does not watch her children properly. And my wife knows this and says it herself sometimes. I belive that her sister is part of the problem for some of my wifes disobedience. and believe me shaykhana I know I am not perfect, when I am in school I do get busy and may not go to salah all the time at the masjid. But when I am on breaks from school I try to repent for that and get back to attending the masjid regularly for the five daily salahs. This kind of marital discord makes it difficult to stay firm on my deen though. My questions are, Is it permissible to request that she cuts off contact with her sister? Also, can you recommend what I can do to encourage my wife to be more obedient. I do not want to leave her, because I don't want to disrupt my childrens lives. I want to raise my children and take them to a muslim land. Honestly, I do not have good feelings about her right now. There is much more that has happened which I can not explain fully in this message. Can you advise me please.

As-sallamu alaykum

PS. Can someone send a message to my mesage box to inform when this lecture will be on for the answer of my question.

[Abu Nafi]

As-salaamu alaykum,

I forgot to mention shaykana, when I asked her to pay for her ticket to Damajj, Yemen. We got into the argument because it turned out she had no money. So I do not know what she has been doing with all of her money. Because she has certainly not used any of it in the house.

[Umm Abdulrahman]

As salamu alaikum wa Rahmatullahy wa barakatuh,

I would like to ask the noble shaikh 2 questions.The first one is:Is it permisable for a muslim woman that she is in a polygamus situation and her huspand can not suport her financially to ask benefits from the goverment in order to pay for her house food her shilds needs e.t.c and in order to get the benefits she has to say to the goverment that she does not have a partner?

the second question is: Is it permisable for a muslim woman that is married to a man that is upon Ahlu Sunnah wa Jamma and he is practising with a good character to ask him to divorse her from the time that he does not give her the rights that Allah has legislated for her and their child and if she feels that her huspand does not care about them and he is acting like a stranger in the house without asking them if they need anything and she beleives that her huspand gives more preferanses to his first family?what is the shaiks advise about this kind of situation because the sister does not feel that she can bear this kind of situation any more.

Jazak Allahu Hairan wa barakalahufikum

_________SUMMARIZED BY MODERATOR_________

Is it permissable for a sister in a polygenous marriage to lie to the government in order to receive government assistance funds?

If a husband does not give his second wife and their children all of their rights due to spending time with his first wife and family, such that the second wife is in despair because of it, is she permitted to seek khulaa?

_________SUMMARIZED BY MODERATOR_________

[RHKSNA]

i'm copying and pasting this sister's question inshallah from this page:
http://www.albaseerah.org/forum/showthread.php?t=3761&page=6&pp=20

asalamu alakum thank you for taking the time to listen to my concern.
This question is for another sister. She has been married for 3 years and for the full 3 years her husband has been in jail, ..It has been 3 1/2 years that he has been in jail for now. At first she never knew how long he was going to be in there for and they also didn't have a daughter. Things are getting harder for her. She has to manage all of the household expenses and maintain the house including looking after there daughter and look after him by sending money and being there emotionally. Her family is not muslim nor is his so she only has her muslim ummah and Allah(swa). Because of all of this she feels sometimes that her deen is really at risk. He is a good husband in that he really respect her. She loves him but does not want her love to come at the price of her deen. Thank you and may Allah (swa) reward you.

___________________________

Summarised by the Moderator:

A sister is married to a man who has been in prison for the entire period that they have been married. She alone has to financially provide for her family and support her daughter which is becoming very hard upon her. Her parents are not Muslim. She does not know when her husband will be released from prison.

Please advise her.


***** translation by ummyahyaa bintyunus********
ما نصيحتكم لاخت زوجها مسجون و هي تعاني من الامور الدنيوية و الشئون الحياتية,أقربائهما ليسوا بمسلمين

******end of translation*******

[ummmakkah]

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Dear Ulima:

May Allaah ta'ala continue to bless you all and insha Allaah ta'ala may He bless us to benefit from the knowledge that Allaah has blessed you with amin. My only point of reference for polygyny is how it is done in the west. We have much advice for sisters on this subject but I never see nor have I been able to find anything from the salaf for the brothers.

My questions are no, my pleas are that you all spend a great deal of time and effort explaining to the men that they do not have the right to marry more women when they are not providing for the sister they are presently responsible for. My plea is that you explain in detail the great reward for marrying additional wives and building the Ummah of Muhammad sallallahu alaihi wa salaam and the great consequences in this life and the next for not doing this according to the way of the salaf us salih.

There are so few examples of successful polygynist relationships but the ones that are are shining illustrations of what Islam can do no matter what. I will not expound on how destructive to our communities polygyny is when there is no Islam, no hukum and only the nafs guiding the decision to add another wife to a family.

What I will do is tell you what I hear men jokingly say about this subject: They call it "doubling up", "section 8 (low income housing) is a sadaqah to the sister" I heard this nonsense from well known daee; or one young brother to another "you getting ready to have a deuce". There are many more ignorant statements I have heard from being in the kitchen listening to my sons' friends' conversations. This is the mentality of men who solicit women in the most haram and filthy ways and no Muslimah needs a man like this she needs a Wali that is guided by the Qur'an and Sunnah not the ghetto mentality of jahalillah.

Please tell the brothers in the west to stand up and tell the truth and nothing but the haqq in the matter of polygyny.

Ukhti Fillaah

Ummakkah Sakinah bint Philip Hyman
"O Allaah don't leave me to myself even for a blink of an eye"

------------------------------------summarized by moderator--------------------

As salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh

Dear Ulima:

May Allaah ta'ala continue to bless you all and insha Allaah ta'ala may He bless us to benefit from the knowledge that Allaah has blessed you with amin.

My pleas are that you all spend a great deal of time and effort explaining to the men that they do not have the right to marry more women when they are not providing for the sister they are presently reponsible for. There are many ignorant statements from brothers that reflect the "ghetto" mentality of jahiliyya in regards to polygyny. Please advise the brothers in regards to this matter.
Ukhti Fillaah

Ummakkah Sakinah bint Philip Hyman
"O Allaah don't leave me to myself even for a blink of an eye"